Monday, September 27, 2010

Short Film Treatment #1

 Logline: A boy finds his true self by spending a day with the person he likes and learns to stop living the same boring routine everyday and in the end they become a couple.

A boy wakes up at 7:00, brushes his teeth, gets dressed, eats cereal, leaves to go to school at 7:35, reads a book during class, goes home, watches t.v., then sets his alarm for 7:00 to repeat the same routine everyday.(shots say mon-fri) (shots of him sleeping sat-sun)

One day, during class, teacher assigns different book with the theme - A person's true self can lead to happiness. A student(a girl that the boy likes), who is often in class on rare ocassions, raises her hand and ask "how can a person find their true self?". Teacher responds with by going after the things you want. Class ends and the boy goes home with the same daily routine not questioning the theme he has learned during class.

Later that night, while the boy is sleeping, his alarm suddenly turns off without a disturbance in the room.

Morning comes, the boy continues with his daily routine, but while eating his breakfast, he notices the time on the microwave clock(9:10) and rushes out the door to go to school. On his way to school, he sees the girl he likes(who seems worried) and he makes the decision to visit this girl instead of going to school.

 He approaches the girl(both seem confused), he askes her a question, but before she can answer it, she sees some person she's trying to avoid and and they both run away together. The girl explains her story that she often has to run from her stalker ex-boyfriend and explains that she misses some school occasionally. The boy comments back and the girl askes him to come with her and he says yes.
Both the boy and girl travel around the city encountering different adventures:
  1. walking down streets of a city and meet a random homeless guy(follows them) who won't stop talking about different women.
  2. walk into a mall, where they encounter the jealous ex-boyfriend and are chased away(chase sequence where the boy and girl escape).
  3. run into a gang who is about to rob them, but as this happens the jealous ex-boyfriend is in the boy and girls sight, so the boy and girl trick the gang into thinking that the ex-boyfriend has all the money and his making fun of how poor the gang is, so the gang chases after the jealous ex-boyfriend.(last of the jealous ex-boyfriend we see).
  4. almost night they are about to depart ways, but girl stumbles and falls on the boy(very awkward). They both try to explain what just happened(also very awkward) and they turn away. When they're walking away from each other the camera has extreme close up on the girl's face smiling, then on the boy's face also smiling, then pans out into another scene.
The boy lies in bed with a big smile(can't beliving the day that he has had) and sets his alarm to 7:00.

The next day he gets dressed, brushes his teeth, and instead of going to school, he meets up with the girl and they hold hands(boyfriend and girlfriend) and continueing their next adventure.The boy realizes that he has found his true self.


  1. Your treatment is supposed to be made up of action only. The paragraph with the dialogue should be rewritten and instead of the characters speaking so much to each other, minimize what they say so that the message is clear and concise. Add expressions to their faces so that we know how they feel instead of you simply telling us. The girl that tells him his fortune is too random. Perhaps introduce her back round and show the audience why the boy would want to talk to her instead of doing his usual routine.

  2. Your ending seems a little unorganized and confusing. I think it would be better if the girl said yes and the boy doesn’t just stare there dumb founded, because the film would feel unfinished. This treatment post is not supposed to have any commentary in it. The conversation between the homeless guy and the boy seems a little strange, especially in his house. It gets a little confusing. Try to develop the main character more on his emotions and feelings towards the end, like how does he feel about being rejected.

  3. Interesting idea that this boy is shaping his life and people's words are coming to him in themes. The homeless guy is kinda random but comedic and brings a easiness to your treatment the girls reaction to the boy asking her out is comedic and a bit strange also though. Fascinating twist to the end of the treatment the girl doesn't fall for the boy and goes all over him she critisizes if hes organized or not. Cut the dialogue out of the treatment and focus more on the action of the characters and what happens step by step.

  4. I took your advice and fixed up my treatment. It seems more organized now and not random.

  5. I think that it would be better, possibly better organized if intstead of making this sort of montage of the four points of adventure. It would sound better to use the adventures as a more important aspect of the plot and use each point as a small side story rather than just briefly show them. Give each scene more detail and give the boy a more powerful roll to maybe impress the girl.